Throughout my time spent working with children, there are few things I’ve found that all kids want from their parents. When children recieve these things, they are happier and more well-adjusted. They make better grades in school, feel comfortable in their skin, and have better self-esteem. Parents play a monumental role in shaping their children’s lives and determining a child’s success in the future. Here are the 5 things kids want from their parents!
- To feel heard. Kids want to be listened to. Just like us, they are human! They have a range of emotions and they make mistakes. Kids want to feel heard and listened to, and to add to that, they don’t want to feel judged. Take time to listen to your kids without judgment. This will allow them to open up more often and build a trusting relationship with you.
- To feel validated. Kids want to feel like what they say and feel matters. I’ve often asked children what their parents think about something they’ve told me. Some children report feeling like they wish their parents understood what they are going through, or would at least try. Children want to feel validated in their feelings and know their parents support them, even if it’s hard for the parent to understand.
- To have healthy boundaries. This one is tricky because many kids might say they don’t want rules or boundaries, but the truth is that boudaries help children feel safe. I once worked with a student who was having a lot of issues with social media. I asked her what a solution might be, and she told me her mom should take her phone away (but the mom just wouldn’t!) Kids need healthy and safe boundaries and even if it’s hard, or they get angry at us as parents in the process, it’s necessary!
- Quality time. One thing that tremendously helps children is quality time spent with their families. The children I encounter that often struggle the most spend a lot of time alone, and don’t have enough quality interaction with their family members. Kids need quality time with their families. Make a point every day to spend time together playing a game, talking, eating a meal, creating something together, etc. It will make all the difference for your child!
- Healthy modeling. Children are constantly watching their parents and adult role models to learn how to cope with life’s challenges. Parents teach children how to handle stressors by the way they handle their own. Parents need to be able to model healthy coping skills in a calm way in order to teach children to do the same. It’s also important that parents accept making mistakes and apologize when necessary. Healthy modeling will go a long way in setting up a child for a happier, more well-adjusted life.
It can be challenging when life gets stressful and chaotic to find balance and order to establish these norms with children. If there’s tension in your parent-child relationship and you want to work on building more trust with your child, keep trying and showing up. Keep asking the open-ended questions in a loving way, take interest in your child’s interests, and take time for yourself to be the best you can be for your child.
